My Phenomenal Woman.

Shay is her name and she is the best
I love her so much that I forget all of the rest
Caught up in the game
Caused us so much grief and pain
Our addiction so strong, did us so wrong
Just to get along
Now clear headed and on a better path
We start to pick up all our aftermath
Look back on our past
I’m glad our love mde it last
We learned from our mistakes
So I’ll be there at the gates
With my arms wide open is how I’ll wait

-J.L.

 

Embracing

As we embrace the pain, we embrace the rain
It falls from the sky as tears fall from my ete
They drop just because and no one knows why
Just as people love and just as people die
The time we have spent – this love is not a lie
Your feelings have changes
I don’t know why
Something I stay awake and sometimes I cry
I’ll be off to the pen, so here’s my goodbye

-J.L.

 
To Change My Ways

As my soul breaks like clouds on the horizon
I find myself trapped in this insane asylum
My mind is down the drain with so much pain
I’m coming apart and acting strange
I guess this is what happens
When you’re locked in a cage
Nothing will change ‘til you turn the page
So I find myself reading
Sitting on center stage
This is my life and I’ll live it my way
Take it breath by breath and day by day
I will have to work to change my ways

-J.L.


Life’s Struggles

Can someone please tell me why?
Why life has so much struggle?
What happened to my piece of the pie?
Why do some people get to drive brand new Mercedes benz
And jaguars but my old clunker won’t even pass smog?
Why do some require a maid or a butler
To answer a knock at their door?
But I need a pistol and a vicious dog?
Why are some people blessed with walk at sunset
On their own private beach?
But where I’m from, where I live,
It ain’t even safe to walk the streets?
Why do some people get to drop their kids off at private
Schools to be lectured by college professors?
When my kids show up to school
The first thing that they pass is a
Good old fashioned metal detector
So I try with all that I’ve got to get my family out of the hood
But the economy took a dive
Now the job market ain’t no good
Can’t find a job with no education
Feels like modern day segregation
No paid sick leave
No paid vacation
401k? Never heard of it
But I know parole and probation
Life seems unfair,
Filled with so many struggles
Mexicans and blacks fillin’ those concrete jungles
Mija, daddy’s not coming home
He stabbed someone in a prison rumble
So will someone please tell me why?
And what’s going to happen to my daughter’s
Piece of the pie?

-C.B.
 


Untitled
The voice that I hear in the darkness
And still of the night
It’s like a song coming from an angel’s mouth
Don’t wake me from this dream
Just let those angels sing
And leave me alone in this abyss
After all
You are just a dream

-M.C.
 


Untitled

The system, from a young teen trapped
Labeled, thown away by society
Left to my own devices
13 years old standing on a corner selling
And smoking crack
My life one big crisis
No graduation day for me because of my choices
From probation to parole
Strung out on meth, now I hear voices
Or is it just my memories
I’m reliving the time of being told I’ll never amount to shit
I know I have to stop using drugs
But my spirit is too broke to quit
Half my life has been spent behind bars
For my drug addiction
Yet not one time have I been offered
Any kind of drug education

-C.B.
 


Untitled

No vivid moonlight, just a dark stark jail cell filled with emptiness. The lack of love
inside of these walls gave birth to deep thoughts of the lack of love within myself.
My ineffable yearnings of wanderlust have been stifled and insatiable appetite for
sex has suffered from the plights of starvation. Stagnation has crept up on me in all
its various forms. Dragging me down on my journey yet never enough to cause me
to stumble and fall. Carrying all burdens and past failures into the hopeful sunset of
tomorrow. On a pale white stallion I will ride from the gates in search of wanderlust.
Love – Moonlight – Deep Thought

-A.D.




She paused, in deep thought…
The moonlight softly played upon her

Auburn hair like several old violins
We didn’t speak. We just sat,
Looking into the depths of each other’s
Eyes…
Love pulled me deeper into the
Cage of her heart
Captured at last –

-D.M

In my box of darkness, there’s lots of loneliness and sadness. I wish I could see some

light, but it is so black, dark, and scary. I’m sorry, but I can’t see anything good in my

box of darkness. All that I see and feel is fear. It is so dark.

-J.V.

 

Beauty

You’re just about perfect to my all seeing eye
But I’m not superficial, and your beauty foes
A lot deeper than your exciting eyes
Your soft, smooth skin and your sexy body
Which radiates the most powerful sexuality!
The beauty of your smile
The wonder of your little laugh
And the pitter-patter of your cowboy boots
On my backstep pull me from
Troubled sleep into the most
Beautiful present
There’s no describing the beauty that you
Bring into my world –
It just “is” –
Like the next breath
And the next
And the next

-D.M.





Box of Darkness

Somebody handing me a box of darkness,
What would it look like?
I was once handed a box of darkness
A gift as much as it was a curse
It contained both shadows and visions
Of what was to come into my life
It brought me many sorrows
Which became the seeds of my happiness
In it was all of my fears
Each one dimming my inner light
Shadowed beings that did not give up
Without a fight
In the darkness I became lost
And I searched endlessly for the light
I found that it was within my heart
Where there exists no light or dark
Just me
Inside of that box
No longer scared of the dark

-A.D.




 
Untitled

I am giving you a piece of my heart to remind you that I am always here for you no
matter how far apart we may be. I’m giving you a piece of my soul that will hold
you dearly and never let you go. Whenever you are troubled and struggling to smile
remember that has no limits and goes on for miles. Always smile and always know
that I am thinking of you.
You’ve changed my life in so many ways. You’ve added something special to all
of my nights and days. Always show me that you care. You’ve always given me
friendship that is beautiful and a devotion that is rare. Thank you for all that you are.
If every wish that I ever made upon a start came true, I would be as happy as I am
when I’m with you. Since I really can’t express myself the way that I’d like to do, I’ll
sum up all of my deepest thoughts in three words: I love you.

-M.R.



Phenomenal Woman

Strength in her virtue
Grace in her flaws
Tenderness in her love
Beauty in all
She has given life and bared the burden of pain
Given rise to her greatest joy
A proud mother indeed
She gave me her everything
And spoiled me with care
Her love was my protector
I had no fears or no wants
She was my mother,
But also had to be a father at times
She raised her only boy to be a man
In a world turned cold

-A.D.

 
Danielle

Respects herself always
And she doesn’t take disrespect from anyone
Never accepts anthing less that perfection
And always expects the most from me
She’ll love me always
Unconditionally
And forever
Keeps her head held high
Rain or shine
Perseveres wiping tears
From her eyes
Loves herself and the best of the world
While it has proven unfair
Strong and beautiful
From the ground up to those gorgeous eyes
And long dark hair
She’s perfect in every way
Thin or small
Sick or well
A goddess of heaven
An angel of hell
To me she’s everything
That a woman should be

-R.B.

 
How I Feel

This class is so awesome
I don’t sit and play opossom
To write how I feel
It really helps me deal
To do something right
It helps me sleep better at night
When I think of love
I wish I was holding you tight
I want so bad
To be able to kiss you goodnight
Because my love for you is outta sight
You clear up the clouds and brighten up my life
To set all of this out
Is such a delight

-J.L.

It's just a time in your life...

This too will pass soon enough.

It's just a time to learn about yourself

A time to focus on yourself

A time to figure out where your life was going

And where you want it to be

Make goals Good goals

And stick to them

It will always make you feel great to accomplish them

You will have a bright smile on your face.

The longer I live the more I seem to realize the importance and the impact one's attitude has on life. Your attitude to me is more important than simple facts in life

It is more important than the past. The past you cannot change. So why have a bad attitude?

T.R

A Perfect World

What the fuck does that mean?

Some would say the word perfect itself is an oxymoron

Is that what perfect really is

Proudly humble

beautifully scared

strong in weakness

thriving in a wasteland

Burning while freezing

Broken perfection

a smile in the dark.

-A.A.

You can easily see it if you look

A new pretty shiny

right there on my face

I had the same piece for years

Never changed it

Until I first came to jail

Somehow it was lost

Lucky that the jewel is unimportant

It's the hole in my skin that has meaning

The precious memory

My first one besides my ears

My father near

Me coming of age- able to do it on my own

although he paid

It may be in my nose

but the real meaning is in my heart

-A.A.

Dope Sick

Dope sick off your dope dick

waiting for my next fix

or the next hit

Just a poke- tickle here and there

Oooops my trigger was pulled

Squirting. Coming

Moaning. Giggling

What can I say D__

I'm just Dope sick off your dope dick

-G.H.

Wake up moaning

on the verge of coming

dripping wet

squirting after rubbing

hair pulling. Hard biting.

Your big hard in my little soft

Talk about wet dreams

-G.H.

Acronyms

Giving

One's

Dependence

Thought

In

Mind's

Eye

Jolted

Attitudes

In

Lockdown

Courageous

Heartfelt

Individuals

Living Dependently

Miraculous

Outstanding

Mentors

Cautiously

Observing

Nothing

Criticizing

Everything

Relevant

Noticing

Exact

Differences

Minds

Evolving

Toward

Hateful

Antics.

Making

People

Heartless

Egotistical

Thoughtless

Animals

Mumbling

Incoherently &

Never,

Ever

Satisfied

-K.C.

Shay's rap

Rhythmically blessed with flows that possess,

Id give it a rest, but I'm way over stressed,

I'll rap about nonsense or rap about pain,

I'll rap about struggles or being stuck in the game,

I'll spit flows so savage you'll trip out often,

Yea all my troubles I'm sure drugs have caused them,

but on a light note, I'm holdin' on strong,

I'm aware that I still got some time that's real long,

but I know I'm powerless, there's nothin' I can do,

I won't let it brake me, I'll stay strong & get through, 

Fight thru the hardships & overcome grief,

avoid all the non-sense, I sigh w/ relief, 

It will never be more than I'm able to stand,

Won't bite the hand that feeds me cuz I don't need a man, 

all I need is insight & my belief in fate,

& gratitude always cuz I'll have an out date

-S.G.

Incarceration Occupation

They can't seem to relate to my flows spit with haste

But these skills I don't waste

As I await prison gates.

Fate- is so corrupt but that's just my luck

shoulda' listened to my gut but I was too drunk,

sleep deprived crazy

no if's what's buts or maybe's,

blackouts they came daily.

Now, I sit waiting',

these fake friends I'm hatin',

No false shit, I'm statin',

“Convict” is my occupation,

relations- to stress ,

past 8 years is a mess,

Only a backward progress,

I guess I failed this test,

I confess to no less.

No denial I'm in,

my addiction will win,

I carry dark sins,

I know prison's waitin' & my faith is fadin',

see, darkness in nearing,

losing my loved ones I'm fearing,

My eyes start up tearing.

The truth you are hearing- cuz I speak no lies,.

Just look into my eyes

See a past of demise,

hurt and failed times

S.G.

Miss Heroine

So now little man you're tired of grass

LSD, cocain and hash

someone pretending to be a true friend

they said I'll introduce to miss. Heroin.

But now before you get started with me

let me inform you how it will be

for I will seduce you and make you my slave,

for I have sent stronger men than you straight to their grave

the vomits the cramps, your guts in a knot

your veins shouting for just one more shot

miss.heroin till death do us part

-J.J.

Change

Mindless words surround me

encircling my thought like vultures

on a hot day in the Mojave desert

I learn to shelter myself from the

damage they cause

the confusion they make

Changing how you think

reprogramming your mind

to a different way of functioning

is a difficult task

I know this from experience

because I've tried many times to change

To live a different life,

without all the drama and pain the lifestyle I live can cause

To live a simple life

a normal life without the constant fast pace of running the streets

To just flow like a stream in one direction

toward a life filled with being happy

Comfortable and content

Happy?

-no name given

The days of the week usually go by without me even noticing.

On the outs, for some reason Saturday is the day that held some significant thing for me.

When I would stop, I would say to myself mostly,

"Damn it's Saturday again”or

“It's one more Saturday.”

I don't recollect the day I got dropped off into town.

Or the day it was I fell in love.

It's been two and a half years since I got here

A whole lifetime feels like it's happened since that day my life started over.

And as Elton john sang, “Saturday in the park,”

my inspiration, sitting in the park right by the duck pond...

Maybe those birds knew I was already home.

-A.D.

 

The following are the result of a prompt about dreams:

Dreams

I used to have a recurring dream.

I was me, a very young me,

running through an old Victorian white house,

a very big beautiful Victorian whiet house.

I ran and ran through this house, looking for and finding new places to hide.

There were always many doors in my very beautiful big, white Victorian house.

I don't know what I ran and hid from,

but I do know I was very frightened.

Avery frightened child running through a beautiful, big white Victorian house,

with never ending doors.

And I remember now, it was an unfurnished, beautifully big Victorian house

that I ran through in my dream

I don't know what this dream meant.

but I dreamt it for many years,

And I am happy to say I no longer have that dream.

-G

Dreams

I don't know why I don't dream.

Somewhere I heard once you stop using drugs you stop dreaming for a time.

Well, for me it's been years and years.

I don't remember my last dream- 

I remember when I was a kid, having fun dreams, like flying.

Before that, I can remember having the same nightmare over and over.

I can remember it like it was something I dreamed last night.

A monster was chasing me, and it's a starry night.

I'm running and running, out of breath I'm trying to get home.

I get closer and closer, 

I'm sweating and out of breath and the monster is at my feet almost

I arrive.

I try to open the door to my home and it's locked, so I ring the bell.

Someone answers who I don't recognize, 

Telling me my family has moved and it's no longer my home.

then I woke up- sweaty and out of breath.....

-L.M.

Dream

I have a recurring dream about snakes.

I'm totally scared, actually terrified of snakes anyway.

But here goes:

It in my home town in Florida. It's a small town. The only gas station in town is where I am. Standing on the side of it. All of a sudden all these snakes are on the ground just slithering over my feet. Like probably over 200 different snakes. I am frozen in place. Afraid if I even blink, I'll be consunmed in them all, biting me. But at the same time it seems as though I am like this mama snake and should be taking comfort in their comfortness... In their ability to be giving affection the way they are, toward me. I realize all of a sudden I am holding an albino reticulate python across me like a scarf. That's about when I wake up!

-Ashley lattin

Dreams

I wake up from my dreams in cold sweats and screams

Can't breathe, chest heaving in pain

all my energy just completely drained

Dripping sweat all down my face

trying to figure out where is this place

as my eyes start to focus and my breathing slows down

I realize I'm still behind walls

still got my knees to the ground

Fell out of my bunk trying to run from my life

Felt like it was chasing me with a two-sided knife

Trying to stick and slice me all sorts of places

Can't figure out why it never leaves any traces

Only deep ones inside that nobody can see

that hurt only within me and showing up in dreams

Can't tell no one the damage

Can't show them no scars

All I can do is write about it behind these damn bars

One day they will heal

eventually they fade

scars of bad dreams will one day behave

-J.J.

The following are the result of a prompt about Winter:

Winter

A time of chilly weather

where we huddle to stay warm,

Bundle up in your favorite hoody

some people cold, may seem warm.

Colds are not caused by the cold,

but illness still takes it toll.

People's life, not better than body heat

Why do you think so many babies are born in June?

Winter's cold... summer babies

barren to life.

long nights, short of light

long daze, short of night

change is constant

relieve, oppress

freedom in a cage

likes, dislikes

depend upon at which angle you stand.

-A

Winter

one microscopic, unique flake at a time

turns into a beautiful nursery rhyme;

you wouldn't see it at first glance

it would be gone before you had a chance,

melted away without a trace

to another form of God's grace

A celebration you say,

all these holidays,

but of course with money or family

everything is.

A white fluffy blanket covers it all

-E

Untitled

When everybody is gathered warm inside

I like to run, galavant, play outside.

you buy presents, decorate and sing

I fantasize about buying a ring.

I look at your new toys

all the laughing girls and boys.

It's only a matter of time

before their playthings are mine.

Soon to be thrown away and forgot

scavenged by me and my friends,

everything has value, beautiful or not.

Snow is beautiful with a fire to keep you warm.

I can still enjoy it even without a home.

The ultimate season to cuddle,

all my senses come alive.

The second snow turns to ice,

how dangerous this fluffy blanket has become.

Frozen to death; with my friend has come

The reaper has no mercy to some,

white sparkles off every surface

like the world has lit a candle

in silent celebration for all that is lost.

Being homeless, winter is not ideal;

white, the world is tucked away and warm

The world is open to me, freedom is what I feel.

-Anonymous

The following were written by the men in various workshops over the past few weeks.

A tree has a long life span

Like lovers expect when they grow together

Sometimes those lovers make love over time

Like a tree that grows fruit

Or like a couple that has kids

The more you water it

The better it becomes

And the longer the life span grows

From the beauty of nature

by Anonymous

The image in front of me shows a boat with two individuals

Sailing toward a mind

The mind is shown as a brain

In the middle of the body of water

While another mind sits further back

What this signifies to me

Is that these two individuals are trying to find

Sanity

By reaching the inside of their own minds

Through a journey

They share this journey together

And must overcome it together

Only then can they find sanity

And live in peace

I believe the journey they undertake

Is taking place subconsciously

While they lay unconscious

In the physical world

They have a band or link

Driving their minds into one

by Anonymous

It’s forming like a tidal wave

But looking more like a dragon

With teeth like mine

I think I see a choo choo train

Trying to escape from its chompers

by S.L.

As I look in the mirror

I see a face that reflects Death

Through the pain and the lies

That are laid to rest

I hear screams echo through that man’s chest

One chance

One life

I guess I failed the test

by C.S.

I want to live in a world

That doesn't judge a book by its cover

Here is what I know for sure

That people change

by E.G.

My daily routine in county jail

Is something that I do everyday

Wake up and thank God

For another day of livin’

by M. L.

I believe life is what you make it

And you could do what you want

As long as you put your mind to it

I want to live positively

I could be successful when I get out

And do what I desire

And accomplish my goals in life

by R. R.

I believe in God and second chances

I want to live in a world where there is peace and not violence

Here’s what I know for sure

One day

I’ll be home

by R.B.

In honor of  Halloween, the women wrote stories or poems that were inspired by a collection of ghost stories and scary stories.

Probably about 7 or 8 months ago, I was walking on the West Side of Santa Cruz late at night.  I kept feeling like something/one was following me but every time I looked back there was nothing.  So I just thought nothing of it and kept walking.   I turned back again cuz it really either felt like something was there or I had heard something and when I turned back to look it felt like something was right there behind me.  I jumped about three inches forward faster than I ever thought I could move and after that it stopped.

By N.R.

Love’s Ghost

Spirits, demons, the very presence

            of the paranormal

The super-natural, the scary.

Bone-chilling screams and

A whole lot of the unknown

I am excited, intrigued

By that of which we can’t always see.

You see what terrifies me

Is my past history

            Repeating as my reality

The presence of your love

            Lingers

Like the high of my favorite

Drug

The ghost whispering “I love you”

            In the middle of the night

The phantom embrace

            After I turn out the lights

The out of this realm bond

The unseen connection

            The ultimate lovers song.

The gentle tease of your fingers

            On my lips

When I close my eyes…

In your absence

I invite your ghost

To haunt me all the time

Demons don’t scare me

Life without your touch terrifies me.

By E.

The following poem was not in response to a prompt.

Goodbye - Hello?

Goodbye, hello, go away, come back, leave -- wait!
I need you here, now, with me...
I need you gone, far, away from me.
Love -- hate -- misunderstood passion
Love me!  Hate me!  Anything at all
As long as all is me.
I'm too weak to leave on my own
But too strong to release my hold.
Destruction, pain and memories
of better days, smoother times...
Leave! Stay--
Go! Come back
Leave me alone!
How could you actually go?
It wasn't real for you --
      It must have been fake --
           You don't love me!
Words of hate
Would it be easier to accept if they weren't true?
This picture I unfairly paint of you.
Not giving credit where credit is due.
Because if I make you them,
The problem isn't all me, it must be you.
What do I do if the reason you left our dreams
Isn't only you, but mainly because of me?
I ignored the signs, made mistakes all the time.
I said 1,000 "I'm sorry's," and only few apologies
I watched us wither and die.
Communicate?  I tried.
I'm weak, broken, tired
A stranger to my own eyes,
A monster in yours.
Leave, goodbye, stay away
Come back!  I love you, we'll get better!
Crunch -- your knee hitting my face
Squeeze -- my hands at your throat
Wet -- tears in our eyes
Sting -- the names we scream
Whoa -- we wish the other to die
Purple -- always around my eye
Low -- beneath the scum on the floor
Lower, beneath roots of all trees
And, even lower, is where I fall.
Tiny is how I feel
Unworthy is how we feel
Not good enough
But wait! Don't go, although you should.
Plug your ears maybe you won't come back
Too much damage for this to end nice
No pretty goodbye
If you leave I think I might die
But if you stay I'm sure I will
Go away!  But not too far --
Don't look at me!  But don't look away --
I love you, but hate what you do!
Leave, go away!  Goodbye -- come back!  Hi... Hello?  Are you there?!

by E.

The following were written in response to a prompt to write poems about superheroes.  

Jesus...

     Sunshine has a way of making everything more beautiful.  Even the morning glint on the razor wire.
     The miracles he bestows upon me and others is amazing.  Poems I've read today, thoughts and reflections, and then this class, help me to continually realized that I am blessed in spite of my circumstances.
     Friendships ~ that share both joy and pane.
     My hero is Jesus.  He's everywhere, all around me, and he never lets me down.
     Amen.

by S.C.


Scarlett

Her long flowing dresses, flowing all around.  The bell of the ball.
Healthy, snappy, and smart.
Determination.  Courage.  Freedom.
Perseverance and beauty.  Determination.
Passion, tears, sorrow, and pain.
But also flamboyance, integrity, love, and again passion.

by S.C.


FRIENDS...

I need a hero ~ a hero to rescue me from my circumstances.  Does he exist?  Maybe.  I think so.  I think he exists in a friendship I have, who talks to me and understands me.  He hurts when I hurt.  He thinks I'm beautiful.  I think that true genuine friendships are my super-heros.  Throughout my life, whether they be male, female, young or old, or even a cat... they've made a positive impact in my life, that turned my situation around from negative to positive, and made me feel like a million bucks.

I think genuine friends are my superheroes.

by S.C.


From Villan to Hero

La Fem I named myself, stealing from the rich, giving to the poor.  Nakita got way out of hand but bad guys always get caught.  Then an angel named Domenika came and the roles changed and a superhero became now a god, in my son's eyes I can do no wrong and I'll always go above and beyond.  Scratch that, to infinity and beyond cuz now this mommy super hero can do no wrong.

By D.G.


If I was a super hero
I'd just fly
I'd get higher than any Drug could possibly take me
let my heart guide me
As I sore through the aching
An escape from the hate
I await for
love to undertake
me

by N.R.


Good vs. Evil

Villain or hero, is there really a way to know?
Depending on where you sit
Depends on what you see
Perspectives often change from where you see the screen
Too quick to maek up just what it is we think
Often the path of hero is one we wouldn't dream
Lonely, lovesick, often seen as a menace
Still always fighting for whats right
Evil sits and laughts, plots, and schemes
Takes foolish pride in the wrongful blame
     of a great heroes fame.
True -- when all is said and done
     It's the hero who hears the crowd sing
But then again,
who says the villain is the bad guy
and the hero a friend
From where I sit the villain could be my celly
And she's not that bad just a little misunderstood
And from where I sit the hero is a bad guy
     with a gavel
Who judges my fate on only bad interactions and never speaks any good
In my life evil is where I find love and it holds
Good is fake smiles and pretending everything won't
     fall out of place if one tooth is crooked
Evil wins for me because it's what society is scared of.
And what they fear is truth
Where I stand, I need freedom
Ugly or not the truth is real
My hero is truth, the world's evil is honesty
    Both can one day set us free

by E.

The Following poems are not from prompts:

Word to the Wise

Sentenced to life revealed to me, understanding in life, accepting the good with the bad, found true love, peace and beauty in all, which I never knew while I was physically free. Now that my physical freedom has been revoked, I find myself more compassionate to others, wanting to live, ever more & remembering my father's words: “there's no better advice than the advice life gives” and “life is beautiful if you know how to live it.”

-R.H.

9/23/13

The Golden path to... somewhere

To be let down, just one dream away

to find your path, rutted, unpaved

It began so smooth, a promising destination

Step by step, however, beholds further desolation

The promising path, gloriously golden

Is making you question; was it the right path chosen?

Because the further you walk, your way darkens in mist,

now you're just befuddled as fuck, starting to get pissed

So the question of all questions.. is this the path of gold?

Should I plow ahead burdensomely, or should I create one of my own.

-T.F.

4/1/13

Ink Pen

You do a job all day

so the artist knows his love

you do a job all day

albeit pushed and shoved

you do your job all day

for the artists knows no love

you do your job all day

Why? Just because.

Or

Ink Pen

You do a job most artists love

All day, pushed and shoved

Ink pen, you still do your job...

What the fuck?

-D.L.

4/13

She isn't proud of what she does

but does it all the same

she knows she's just playing the roll

of some man's lonely game

At first it held excitement

but that's long since grown old

her body is growing tired now

her heart's long since turned cold

D.F.

4/13

Medicine

My love is pure, I know for sure

Cuz if I get sick, you are my cure

Your words, they heal me

your eyes, they steal me

I wish so much you could hold and feel me

Unconditional love for only for you

when you're not with me I come unglued

losin' my mind

one day at a time

I start to freak out

I guess I'll be f.i.n.e.

Freaked out, insecure,

neurotic and emotional

all these feelings are uncontrollable

I find myself not sociable

I sit so very depressed

all these times you hit me in the chest

pushed me away

I tried my best

I love you my love

forget the rest

I stay loyal to you with each and every breath

p.s. somehow this is for you

-J.L.

4/13

The following are responses from a prompt about turning the mundane into something beautiful:

Hard to Love

It is so simple a kiss

then she starts to wash a dish

Fresh coffee made.

She suggests we go watch the parade...

listening to broken butterflies.

It sometimes makes you feel better to hear their pain.

Is every day the same?

The the end when I went to judgment day

to have prayed and to have prison delayed

so I may love her on my birthday.

But my love could not take the pain,

to find out she had run away to Blaine.

But can I blame?

Never I pray that we can love again.

But will my love ever flourish?

I just take medicine

I may never will

-D.

Sip sip slurp slite sip

hot coffee on my lip

so morning, noon and night

got to have something

that sends me out of sight

such to say it's a part of

each day in day out crazy

way in part out of sight

cup cup cup coffee not tea

got to have it

for you for I and we

Just taking time

by making it through each mundane Monday

What to say to my coffeeshop bab

nother day nother day

Out of sight in some way

Kicking it, sipping it, loving it

coffee shop bab loving each day

-C.D.

Mundane, my Monday

Ahhhh, rise-n-shine, it's program time

Where's my socks at? My feet are cold

I wipe the eye booger out my eyes,

roll up my mattress and I'm ready to go

Colombian roast in my cup

One sweetener one creamer

that's my cup of joe

Oh, is it last call? Fuck it, I'm over it.

I'm going to let my cup cool and use the restroom

Brush my grill as I'm holding my thang thang

Wait a minute, did I wash my hands?

Back to my cup of joe,

just perfect, sip ahhh

Now I'm headed to the patio for a breath of fresh air

ahh, rise and shine, it's program time

-S.L.

Mundane

My daily routine in County Jail

Something I do every day

Wake up and thank God for another day of livin

-M.L.

Well... my daily routine, every day

I get up like around 9 or 10 am

I take a piss then brush my grill and wash my face

I fold my blankets and make my bed

Sometimes I clean my cell and scrub my sink

and metal toilet, it depends on if I'm in the mood

Then I make myself a cup of coffee

With cream and sugar if I got it

After I enjoy my coffee,

I head to Estiva's cell and wake his ass up

and ask if he'd like to work out

And if we're lucky, get the radio

and work twice as hard to get our money

So beautiful, just feeling good

bout myself staying fit

-M.S.

When I get up ready for a brand new day,

I make my bed, brush my grill , wash my face and make sure I don't have any eye boogers or anything like that... then I head out, drink some nice hot coffee and greet my fellow convicts. This right here is my “mundane” for now.

-R.B.

Writing this comes from within

Because it is me; my own

When I really gave it attention, I found

the beauty and the ecstasy that it can release

in deep concentration.

It's the character where choices come from... feelings

-R.H.

More poems from San Quentin

More poems from Carlos, who is currently hunger striking at San Quentin's Adjustment Center.  The Adjustment Center is a Special Housing Unit (S.H.U.) inside of Death Row.  Carlos keeps a personal support blog here.

For more information about the ongoing hunger strike, which prisoners have organized to protest the inhumane conditions of solitary confinement, please go here.  Also, if you're interested in becoming a penpal, please send an e-mail to the Human Rights Penpal Project at cws@igc.org.



Never Unscathed

I am just a man
Who is trying to survive
In this miserable place
Doing all I can
To maintain my sanity
In a place that requires you
To be a bit insane.

For how else am I to overcome
And survive this psychological torture?
Survive the evil within this dungeon
That I've come to call
Death Dormitory
Hoping the scars aren't many
Yet knowing I'll come out a different man,
Though how so is yet to be seen.

For one never leaves these dormitories
Unhinged or unscathed
No matter how one struggles
To survive in this mieserable place
Whose claws forever leave their mark.


Untitled

California's San Quentin State Prison ...
Death Row prisoners' final home
Holds a "compartment" 
Its own secret "dungeon"
called the Adjustment Center
Built to house the "worst of the worst"
And confine them to this unit alone
Isolated from everyone
Not for safety or security reasons
But to inflict their torturous practices
Onto those prisoners they hold in disdain
See how long they can last
Before they're broken ...
Before they cry out for help 
Which goes unheeded.
Recall what I said earlier
Built to house "the worst of the worst"
So violence must be dealt to the violent
That is their philosophy
And the outside world has ignored it
Ignored it for far too long.
It is why we've opened up this hidden compartment
And placed our lives on the line.
Streaming out our stories
Showing you the truth
Hoping you'll accept it is as harsh as it is
And help us correct these horrendous "practices"
This injustice ...


Untitled - written on 7/13/13

This is a difficult test
A test of my will power
And mind over matter.
As each stomach cramp passes
I double over in pain
Hugging myself in hopes
That'll ease the pain
But that's only the beginning
'Cause afterwards the squirts come
Worse than any diarrhea
I ever had
As nothing but water pours
I tell the others,
"Trust no fart!"
Which gets me an uproar of laughter
Ironically easing my pain
And giving me comfort
As we go on day six of our hunger strike
And test my capabilities each passing day


When Will Solitary End?

I sit in solitary confinement, 
Monitored and evaluated
Psychologically tested,
Tortured in more ways than I care 
To remember or burden you with,
With hopes I'd crack and beg,
Beg to be let out of this torturous place
And crack, losing the bit of sanity I have left
Like so many others before me and so many others
Yet to fall, fall prey to the prison's administrators
To the countless tactical torturous games they play.

I am but one of the few hundred who still stand strong,
Fighting to survive, accumulating deep embedded scars
With each passing day, learning to be resilient to all
That's thrown and piled up against me
In such a difficult, miserable place.

Lonely and deprived of so much, I sit here
Beyond desperate for a helping hand, for something,
Someone, for a movement, for human rights lawyers
And all the advocates out there to put an end
To this heinous practice of solitary confinement
And take me away from this place with my dignity intact.
I hope it's soon, before many more fall prey
And lose themselves in this dungeon of hell and misery
That's been in place for far too long.


Untitled

My actions will soon come
Hoping that they'll draw the attention needed 
To end this heinous practice
Once and for all.
The practice of solitary confinement.
The day quickly approaches when I'll refuse to eat,
When my body and mind will be tested
And sacrificed for the greater good,
For this peaceful protest, this hunger strike,
That's my only form of seeking relief,
My last outcry for help
And support,
To come together and end these death dungeons.


Untitled

What will it take to realize that time is essential
To one's sanity within these circumstances,
To one's self-respect and humanity?
What will it take to end solitary confinement?
Is 33 suicides in these dungeons last year alone enough?
Enough, for you, my captors?
Or shall I succumb in this hunger strike as well,
Before you realize something is amiss here?
What will it take?
Please, tell me, tell us, what?